Mr. Old is the oldest guy in the infinitiverse. He was born in 1764 and is currently 251 years old with no sign of him kicking the bucket anytime soon. He was married to Mrs. Old, but they divorced in 1893 after a fight at their 100th wedding anniversary. He fought on the Confederate side in the Civil War when he was already 97. Next, he fought with the Central Powers and then the Axis (can you see a trend here?). Today, he teaches history in Mixed Culture School. Back in 1778, he won a lifetime supply of crackers and since he keeps living, the company has to keep sending him some. Since they no longer produce those crackers, they will run out by 2016. They have tried multiple assassination attempts on Mr. Old, but can't seem to succeed.
Despite his name, Mr. Old is not the oldest person alive in the Infinitiverse.
Mr. Old is a very strict teacher and has been teaching at Mixed Culture School for most of his life, with the exemption of the times he was fighting in wars. Despite his age, Mr. Old has really good reflexes and throws things at you at blazing speeds (his record is 172 miles per hour) if you're not paying attention. He has thrown a variety of things ranging from butcher knives to cartons of expired milk so you had better pay attention.